Watch out for the storms
by AsikIkisa
Summary: How many times was he standing here and thinking that this time, this time he might actually do it?  How many times was he denied it? By the police, by Izaya, by his brothers? By his brothers lovers?  Tsuki/Roppi, Shitsuo/Roppi, kinkmeme fill suicidal  fi


(Suggested soundtrack to listen when you read this story: .com/watch?v=JYpp2zFzOE4&feature=BFa&list=LLXEUqcIP0zZw&index=25 )

**Note: Durarara isn't mine! Nor is the soundtrack above xD**

Watch out for the storms

How many times was he standing here and thinking that this time, this time he might actually do it?

How many times was he denied it? By the police, by Izaya, by his brothers? By his brothers lovers?

By the doctor, who gave him antidepressants?

How many times was he stopped by himself? By his pathetic will to live? No... by his will to survive. And that was a big difference. For a will to live was also defined by the happiness of living.

And that was what Hachimenroppi definitely haven't. He hated them. All of them. The world, the humanity, the sky, the rain, the sun, the wind, the day and the night.

Maybe his family and their lovers were the persons who he didn't dislike that much. But in this huge world, under the 18 years of his life, he hadn't any human he could call a friend. Maybe his loneliness made him suicidal. He didn't know anymore.

He didn't remember when was the first time he thought of killing himself. It could be when he was ten years old. It could be yesterday. The overdose of antidepressants made some small blackouts in his memory. But he didn't care. It would be all over anyway.

Before he came up with the idea of falling of the building, he tried another methods. Overdosing painkillers and drinking alcohol to it, resulted in Izaya finding him in his bathroom unconscious. And a half year of rehab at that.

He tried to cut himself, but never had the courage to actually stab himself in the heart. And Psyche with Tsugaru found him too soon anyway. From there on he wasn't allowed to hold a knife.

He also tried to abuse alcohol, so that he could die painlessly. But Hibiya and Delic found him before he had frozen to death, because he did that at a park bench in winter.

The irony of it all was that the only person he wanted to be stopped by, was Tsukishima. But he didn't show up at any of his failed suicide trials. It was because Roppi was a master at hiding his true emotions, and never told Tsuki of his plans to kill himself. The blonde is too little for it anyway.

In fact, he may never know the truth, but that didn't matter.

„He... what? Why? Since when? He never told me..." the said blonde with ruby red eyes was in shock. Now, after nearly one year after knowing Roppi, he learns that his friend is suicidal.

„Well, that isn't exactly the topic to be discussed by a breakfast table, now is it? And are you surprised? If I was in his shoes I won't tell anybody either." Tsugaru reasoned with a calm in his voice.

"But... when did it start? I never noticed..." Tsuki said, embarrassed. And he wanted to be Roppis friend? What a shame.

"It was two years ago, he actually tried for his first time. Not long after... well I don't know if I am the right person to tell you this." Tsugaru said, lighting his pipe.

"Exactly two months after Shitsuo's death. That was when I found him unconscious in my bathroom." Izaya said, his smirk on his face, but his face was... kind of sad.

"Eh? Shitsuo? So I wasn't his first soul mate?" Tsukishima asked disappointed.

"No. you see, Shitsuo was my first experiment. And Roppi was my second. So it was only natural that they fell in love, right?" Izaya said, his voice now distant, as if he tried to remember a long forgotten story. Which he most likely did.

"And they were happy with each other. Hell, Roppi didn't even hate humans this much. It wasn't the Roppi I know today. But then... Shitsuo got fired. He worked as a butler you see. And unfortunately had Shizu-chans strength too. So when he came home that day, he loaded out all his anger on Roppi. Not only did he ruin their flat, but that damned brute had also beaten Roppi. When that poor guy then came in the middle of the night to my apartment and told me everything, I told him that he can live with me. And then..." Izayas voice quieted, like he was holding back tears, but his face was only serious.

"One week later, Shitsuo was found dead. He jumped off the building of their apartment complex. And he did leave a letter to Roppi. Encouraging him to join him soon. That was probably the start of it." the one who said it was Shizuo who just came in to the room with tea.

"Tsuki-chan. We told you this, so that you could better understand him. I know that you want to be more than friends with him. So think of something to comfort him, okay?" Izaya said, taking the tea from his lover.

"Yeah right. I'll think of something." Tsukishima said, holding his scarf tightly. That white scarf was the first present he got from Roppi on his sixteenth birthday. It meant the world to him.

Then, the phone called, deep ringing sounding in the room. Izaya picked it up, a sour expression on his face. "It's the police. I wonder what that guy did now" he said before picking up.

He meant to hear another complain about Hibiya wanting to build a castle in the middle of Ikebukuro park. But he was astonished as the matter was concentrated on Roppi.

"Yes. Right. Okay. I'll send someone as soon as possible. Thank you for information." he said as he ended the call.

"Hachimenroppi is at the roof of the Sunshine 60 building. Tsuki-chan. I think it's your turn to save him now. You may confess your feelings if you want too. I have a feeling that Roppi will accept you. Now, please go before it'll be too late." Izaya ordered, taking the tea cup in his hands again.

"How did you...? Ah it doesn't matter. You're an informant after all. What is the fastest way to that builiding? " Tsuki asked a deep blush on his face.

"I can send you flying there if you wish. But I think that Celty will be a safer ride, and much less possible that you'll get hurt." Shizuo said, taking the last sip of his tea.

"I actually think that it's a great idea Shizu-chan. Celty is out of town at the moment. See up for antennas and high buildings, and you shouldn't get a problem." Izaya said, typing something on his laptop.

Tsukishima wasn't sure about it at all. But if it was for Roppis sake, he would do anything. Anything to not lose his most important person in this world.

-.

It wasn't long until the police appeared. That place was apparently very popular amongst suicidal persons. But Roppi refused to get down. No. Not this time bastards. I'm finally about to finish my life. Nobody will stop me now.

"Hachimenroppi-san. Please get back to the ground, before something bad happens to you. We can talk down there, right?" one of the many policemen tried to convince him. But it didn't work. Hell it never worked. This guy could only be talked to by his family. Darn, where is that Orihara?

"I refuse. I'll be taking my life now, and nobody will stop me now. Why live in a world where I haven't anybody dear to me? Where people hate each other? When anything that anybody wanted me to be was a punching bag? When there is so much violence and evil. Humans tend to use one another. And in the end, nobody cares about me..." Roppi said, quieting, his voice sounded hurt.

With police locking the ways of jumping, it was impossible for him to die by falling from it. Maybe he'll convince one of the officers to shot him? Police carried a gun with them, and maybe if he'll give them enough money, they'll accept? And not tell Izaya by the way.

Roppi remembered the letter that his past lover left him. It said to join him by falling off the Sunshine 60 building while storm. As soon as possible.

But then he also reminded himself of the look Izaya gave him when he first tried to commit suicide by the pills and alcohol. It was a scolding, hurt yet relieved look. Then Izaya talked some sense into him. It worked, for quite a long time. Until one night he dreamed of Shitsuo. That damned butler asked him why didn't he join him already, and asked if it was something more precious than him that was holding Roppi back to the earth. Roppi then said that he'll join him very soon. And then he tried to cut himself and drink himself to death at one day.

Half year later, Izaya created Tsukishima. The blonde with red eyes, turned his world up and down completely. Even though he never said it, Roppi saw affection in those red eyes, so different from these black orbs he used to love.

Tsukishimas appearance made him forget Shitsuo. He didn't have nightmares and he was happy, not his jerky self.

But two weeks ago... he had that dream again. This time, it was Shitsuo's death scene. Roppi never saw it, so it was only his imagination. But then, when the figure fell to the ground and he went to check if he really was dead... it was Tsukishimas face, and not Shitsuos. Then he heard the butlers voice, threatening him that he'll kill the blonde if Roppi won't join him.

So Roppi had no choice. He came everyday to that roof, and tried to jump, but always refused. Now when it was storm and raining, he hadn't any excuse.

He looked at the police officers surrounding him. Everyone ready to stop him. He went to the barrier of the roof. The fence was from aluminum and some other metal, but not so stable as you would expect when so many people was jumping out of there.

"Soon, Shitsu-kun. In ten minutes I'll be all yours. I wonder if you are happy to have your punch bag again" Roppi said to no one in particular, and then smiled, a sad smile.

"NO! ROPPI-KUN! DON'T DO IT PLEASE!" he heard the blonds voice, but that must be his imagination again. It was no way Tsukishima would come there, right?

He turned around nonetheless. And couldn't believe his eyes. There, in the middle of the roof, in the hard rain, between all these policemen stood Tsukishima. He was sneezing, and the white scarf was around his neck.

"Please, Roppi-kun. Get out of there and let's talk, okay? I think I know why you are doing it, but I need to know the truth, from you. I'm sick of knowing everything as last person, like it didn't concern me. But... it gets to me very much. I... never though that you'll be suicidal..." Tsukishima said, now tears beginning to gather in his eyes. Or was it the rain? Roppi couldn't tell.

Roppi did as told, and got closer to the red eyed blonde, now the younger was sobbing quietly.

"Shh. Don't cry little one. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Roppi said, whispering to the blonds ear. It gave shivers down Tsukishimas spine, but Roppi didn't know that.

"So... why? Why do you want to die so much? If so... am I... are we... doesn't the past year mean anything to you? Didn't you change? Are you... sorry to ask... like I said I don't know the details, but your behavior allows me to assume that you are still in love with... that guy." Tsuki said, every sentence pausing for a sob.

"No. No no no, it's definitely not like that. I... you see... sometimes, I have nightmares. And... he is still there. Wanting me to join him. I don't know why he died. He probably realized that he can't have the way he wants with me like he used to. So... he is haunting me in these nightmares...and two weeks ago... he threatened to kill you if I don't die soon enough. And... I was scared. Every day I came here in purpose to never come back again. But every day I failed. I was a coward, searching for an excuse to say "Not yet."... but today it finally rains, and... I can't back now." Roppi said. His voice was very hurt and his face expressed deep sadness and... guilt.

"Why... why didn't you tell me? I'm sure Izaya-san or somebody could chase these nightmares off if you'd tell. But... I see. I'm not blaming you, if I was in your shoes I would be surely scared too... " Tsuki said his sobbing stopping on the way.

"So... Tsuki-kun... is there something... you'd like to tell me before I leave this world?" Roppi said, his voice suddenly indifferent.

"No... I mean yes I want to tell you. Two things. For the first, Roppi-kun... I love you. With my whole heart. You mean the world to me. If you'd die... I wouldn't know what to do. I'll probably get lost at the way home... like I used to before I met you. You... you are my cloud that is covering the sometimes too strong sun. And... and that's why... I don't want you to leave. Please. I'd do anything. Anything that would make you stay here... in this world... with me." Tsuki said that, and new tears were falling from his eyes.

But Roppi was there, with him and wiped his tears. He took the end of Tsukis scarf and wiped every single tear falling from the blondes eyes. When he was finished, he gave the blond a hug. A deep and warm hug, that hid the blonde completely. Then he whispered:

"You know... every time I was coming here... I always wanted you to come and save me. But yet, I didn't tell you about my problem in order to not worry you. I see that that was one of my mistakes. Anyway, thank you for coming... and giving me a reason to live on. And... I love you too Tsuki-chan." Roppi said, and smiled, a genuine smile on his face. Tsuki had never seen him smile so sincerely, but he hoped it wasn't the last time he saw Roppis true emotions.

Then, they kissed, a soft innocent kiss, changing in no time for a fight of possessiveness. They both kissed each other as long as possible. And then after a short break for air taking, they continued, ignoring the policemen around them.

One week after that event, Roppi was back at the roof of Sunshine 60. But it was a totally different Roppi that was there one week ago wanting to commit suicide. He... was happy living. The sun was shining and he was there to finally say goodbye to Shitsuo.

Since the butler didn't have a grave, his cremated and burned to ashes body was spilled from that very roof. Roppi wanted, use the same pattern, and that's why he wrote a letter. Now though he teared the letter into unreadable pieces and let these fly high in the sky, eventually falling to the ground.

When the last piece was gone from his sight, he nodded satisfied, and hurried home, to his waiting lover, probably naked under his covers.

The teared letter had it's effect, because Roppi hadn't nightmares ever again. The content was as follows:

"_Dear Shitsuo-san._

_I'm sorry that I didn't join you with commiting suicide as you pleased. But you were right. Something very strong was holding me back from coming to you. That thing is called love. I doubt if you know it, because that wasn't definitely the feeling we shared. Love is about caring and worrying about each other. And then also that pleasurable feeling of the other person meaning the world to you. You didn't experience it, since everything you cared about was your work. But I hope that in this other world, you may feel the wonderful thing that love is._

_This doesn't mean that I didn't love you. In fact I did. But we had other definitions of love. And I'm pleased with the one that is mutual. And you didn't seem to return my feelings, other than by rough sex. But I guess it's for the better now, as things turned out._

_If you wonder if I'll ever join you, then forget about it. I'm planning to grow old with Tsukishima. And if we grow old enough, we'll to try to die at the same time, so that we'll go to the same place after death. I'm not sure if it'll gonna work, but it doesn't hurt to try._

_Now when you know all that, I hope that you'll understand me. And forgive me if I offended you at something._

_Your dearest ex-lover: Hachimenroppi."_

THE END

**A/N: I have to say that there's a bunch of emotions hidden by this fic. And when I wrote Tsuki's love confession I almost cried. Never did a fic written by me make me cry. So you know :3 **

**I really enjoyed writing it, even though there were a bit too many heartbreaking emotions. I considered a sad ending, but knowing me I'd then write an alternative ending anyway, so there you have a happy ending :D**

**Review or**** Shitsuo ****will**** haunt you xD xD**

**Thank you for reading this story. I hope you enjoyed the reading, ****and Feedback is greatly loved :D**


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